Monday, January 25, 2010

If you asked someone who knows me, I am sure they will tell you that I am a mild mannered, kind sort of person. Go ahead--ask. It has recently come to my attention that I can come across as a ferocious bitch in the written-area of communication. I am good with that.

I am shy. Very few people understand this, because I have pretty good coping skills, but I am. Shy. If you asked people at work to describe me, I doubt a single one would use the word shy, however. If you asked them specifically if I *am* shy, I am sure you would hear 'no'. But I am, nonetheless. I am just very comfortable there. Just about 10 years, with nearly the same people every day makes a girl comfortable. At least it makes *me* comfortable. I know where things are and who people are and what my role is and what to pretty much expect. All good.

In my public life, I am Clark Kent. Mild mannered, etc, etc, etc. But I do have those moments when I step into that telephone booth and out comes passionate, screaming Superman. Or something like that. Sadly enough, up until now, Superman only converses within my own head. Or via email or some other written form of communication. Sometimes on the phone. I can be bitchy on the phone at times, too. Not in real life, though. Me no likey confrontation. At least not directly. I love it via written forms. So.

At home, when I am absolutely comfortable, I *am* superman. Not to say that I am not nice and caring and all the good Clark Kent things, but I am also comfortable enough to express myself. Which doesn't really happen elsewhere. SOmetimes at work, but not always. Mostly, I have heated discussions at home with Ethan, or in my own head, because I was too chicken to say anything to someone in the moment when I wanted to say it. I have great zingers, and LOTS of opinions. Anyway....

I. Am a passionate person. I care deeply about things. Many things. Among them: issues of race and racism. Deeply. Not because I married someone of a different ethnicity, not because it is currently a 'popular' issue (what with the anti Haiti people out there spewing). Because I care.

Yes, marrying outside my same racial background got me started, all those years ago, on thinking about people who are not the same as I am. But I feel so much more. Ethan and I are FAR more similar than we are different. I truly don't see his skin, unless it is through the eyes of someone else (via a comment, a look, etc).

I have taken many cultural awareness and history classes. I love reading about different cultures and countries and people of all sorts. I am blessed with coworkers from dozens of different backgrounds, each with their own stories about their heritage, their country of origin. I love hearing non-American names bestowed on their children, and hearing what those names mean in their native languages. I love trying different foods (except seafood. You know I have to put my foot down on seafood) that I had never heard of before. I love the richness that comes with a multicultural group.

I am currently all irritated with the yahoos who think we shouldn't be helping out in Haiti, since there are so many problems here in the US. And it irritates the hell out of me.

All of this rambling *does* have something of a point to it, I swear.

This is your warning/advance notice that I have decided to go ahead and unleash 'Superman'. Meaning that I am not going to try to be PC or nice or let things go. On the internet, that is. Or the phone. Shyness is not something you just 'stop', so I will continue in my mild-manneredness in my actual nice. But I have discovered that I CAN express myself, I CAN say what I want if I am typing, and I am going to do so. I am sure there will be some stepped on toes (and I will keep the cursing to a minimum. After all-my MOM and GRAMMIE read this blog. And are facebook friends!!). But I am not going to worry about that so much.

Please welcome Alyca to the internet.


Mama-Beans said...


Anonymous said...

I've always been proud of you.I remember the little girl in the pumphouse with tiny kittens and a rattlesnake,staying untill rescued by Davinie and the loaded gun.
Love gramie Heroic